The Birth of Robert. The Birth of a Mother. I was due December 31st 2016, but being a FTM I knew that I could be pregnant past that date. I didn’t rely on that date, and when I didn’t go into labor I wasn’t disappointed. Later that week I went to a prenatal appointment and one of the midwives briefly brought up the possibility of induction, which made me worry a little, but I didn’t worry too much about it. It’s very common for FTMs to go into labor naturally at 41&1. When I made it past 41&1 I then started to worry, but I wouldn’t have to worry for much longer. It was 2am on a Thursday and I was 41&2. I woke up feeling contractions, and when they didn’t go away after a couple of hours I knew I was in labor. My husband woke up for work at 4am, I told him that I’m in labor but to go ahead and go to work anyways since I didn’t want to lose any vacation days he was saving for our first week as new parents. He went to work and told his boss about my status, but he insisted on staying at work. I knew labor could be 24 hours with your first child, so I wasn’t really worried about time. I fell back asleep and woke up at 8am, still feeling spaced out contractions that were low in intensity. I decided that I would go get an adjustment at the chiropractor at the birth center. I told the chiro that I was in labor, so she adjusted me and told me to come back at three for another adjustment. I saw one of my midwives on my way out and mentioned that I was in labor but things were slowly progressing and that I would be in touch. I was totally calm, just living on baby time. I went and grabbed some lunch and told my doula that she wouldn’t need to come over until later that night. I went home and took a small nap. When I woke up things were still not going any faster, I drove the short drive to the birthing center for my second adjustment. This adjustment did something right, because I could really feel those contractions after. They came in waves but were never consistent in time. My husband got home at three from work, and told me that he was feeling nervous and forgot the alarm system code when he went into work. LOL. Other people were asking him why he was at work, but we both knew that the first labor can be long, so we weren’t panicking. My doula came over later that evening after dinner, we counted my contractions but the pattern was still really off. I sat on the birth ball in the dining room all night with my dog. I was actually in a good amount of pain in my back and legs, and I knew I wouldn’t be able to sleep. I told everyone to go get some rest and I’d wake them up if I had any progress in intensity. At around midnight I was hurting pretty bad, I went and woke my doula up and we counted contractions for a while, I remember my back just hurting so bad and I was so tired from it. We decided that at 2AM-ish we would call one of my midwives. We kept in touch with them for about three hours. I started feeling panicky at about 5AM from the pain and thought that I must be along pretty well now; I’ve been in labor for over 24 hours now. My midwives talked to me over the phone and I told them that I would feel much more comfortable at the birthing center. So we got in the car and went up there.
It was 6AM on January 8th,
the sky was still dark, it was cold outside but I was warm. We got there and they checked me, I was only dilated to a four. I was kind of discouraged, but I also reminded myself that I only had 3 more centimeters to go before transition. I knew I was going to meet my son by the end of the day and that’s all that mattered, even if I had to labor twelve more hours. My wonderful midwives blew up the birth pool for me to help me get some relief from the pain I was in. Earlier in the week when we were talking about induction we also talked about how the baby may be in the posterior position, sunny side up, and that ideally we want them anterior. I didn’t really make the connection between the baby’s position and my erratic contraction pattern, intense pain in my lower back, and slow progress until now. Well I got in that tub and tried different positions to help give the baby room to wiggle in the correct position. After a while I felt reenergized and got out of the tub and onto the bed, and then I was given a peanut ball to hang my leg over and help my pelvis open up. That was super uncomfortable, so I continued it with a little bit of whining. It was a normal day at the birthing center, so my midwives had to take care of their regularly scheduled appointments. They were in and out on my room upstairs, suggested I eat, suggested another change in position, ect. At noon they suggested that I go home and get some rest, I hadn’t really made any progress still. That was really the first real downer for me, I was at the 34 hour mark but it was best and my birth team needed rest.
We went home and back to the birth ball I went, I was so tired from not sleeping so I tried to go lay down for a bit. Sleep was not accomplishable, so my doula and my husband helped me to our tub. I remember moaning through contractions and was worried that I would scare the neighbor that shared our dividing wall. It only helped a little so I gave up on that. I went back to my bed and just hung out over the side of the bed feeling sorry for myself, while my husband and doula ate dinner. I had no appetite, the pain was unbearable and I hadn’t slept for an entire day at this point. Finally at 6PM I decided that it must be almost time and we went back to the birth center. I tried everything I could think of to get some relief. I lunged up and down stairs, did squats, sat on the toilet (the worst feeling ever), went up and down stairs, hip squeezes, robozo techniques, the best was when I sat in the shower leaning on to a yoga ball while someone gave me sips of water between contractions. When they checked me I was at a 5/6. Everyone was getting tired, and they started taking turns napping. At about this time I started having the most painful reflux, and I would have it through the rest of my labor, which made me less inclined to eat or drink. They filled up a tub for me at 10ish and took turns sitting with me.
My husband fell asleep on the floor next to me around midnight, Lynette came in and told him to lay on the bed and she would sit with me. I remember just laying there in the tub that night, refilling it with hot water, trying a different movement, breathing and humming when a contraction came. The pain was intense on my body, but I felt like my mind was in a different place at this point, probably from lack of sleep, lack of food, and dehydration. I would feel a contraction coming on and do some horse lips through it; Lynette would remind me that I was doing well. I remember talking to her between contractions, but it felt like I was a third party listening to our conversation and I can’t remember what we even talked about.
After a while it was about 4AM and Bobby, my doula, and Lynette were in the room with me again. Lynette suggested that I try to use NO2 while on my hands and knees. Something new to try, okay I was down. They helped me onto the bed on my hands and knees, I held the NO2 mask over my face, when I could feel a contraction coming on I would breathe in deep, but nothing brought me relief. Finally at 5AM my midwives suggested that I needed to go ahead and transfer to the hospital, 50 hours in and I was being transferred. I was so tired that I welcomed the idea of an epidural. My husband was freaking out; we didn’t have health insurance so how were we going to pay for this? He called his mom in Arizona and she bought a last minute ticket and flew in. Bobby and I got into the car to make the drive from Grapevine to Harris Downtown Ft.Worth, I remember telling him that if he drove too fast over a set of railroad tracks I was going to kill him! That car drive was pretty rough; my contractions were happening a lot. We got to the hospital and from the car to L&D I probably had four very intense contractions, what should have been a two minute walk became a five minute walk. It was 6AM, it was dark, it was chilly but I was still warm. Now that I think about it, I was so focused on getting some form of relief that I didn’t notice that I may have been progressing. We stopped in the parking lot, the hallways, and the elevator each time I had a contraction. I would wrap my arms around Bobby’s neck and would just go limp trying to relax. We got to the admit station, and our midwives already called and told them we were on our way as a transfer. At some point we realized our dog was still at home and probably needed to go out. Bobby’s dad took care of that at some point.
We got into a room and I was begging for an epidural, the staff just kept telling me that I couldn’t have one until I was officially admitted. UGH, filling out paperwork and answering questionnaires while you are in the middle of back labor and exhausted is no bueno, but we got through it and I got an epidural. Everything got numb, they did a cervical check, told me I was at a 6, they gave me an IV and I was dehydrated. Then came every intervention that I read about and didn’t want; a catheter, a temperature check which revealed I had a fever, a fetal scalp monitor, which meant my bag of waters had to be broken….which lead to other interventions, an oxygen mask, and then finally sleep. When we broke my bag of waters they suspected my fever was due to the presence of meconium in my bag of water, it came out green and smelled funny. When they discovered that they then added antibiotics to my IV, it took about six bags of saline before I started emptying into my catheter bag. One of my midwives and my doula showed up sometime after I fell asleep and I was so happy when I woke up for a minute and saw them in my room, so was Bobby. For twelve hours I slept holding an oxygen mask on my face, and occasionally the midwives would come in and change my position so that we could make sure the baby was getting oxygen.
Eventually I was woken by my own body and I had the urge to “bear down.” My husband was there when I opened my eyes but no one else was in there, they were doing their rounds or getting a bite to eat. Eventually they were made aware, somehow, that I was ready. Bobby was holding my left foot and was telling me everything that was going on. When he could see the baby’s hair they pulled a mirror out for me to see. That was helpful. Bobby talked me through each push. They let me put my hands down to touch his head, I was scared that he would be startled and go back in a bit. At one point they suggested a change in position so that my pushing could be more effective, I told them, “No. This baby is coming out of me right now.” I pushed for about an hour and a half, and then came the “ring of fire.” The midwife attending to me told me to hold off on pushing, but the pain was so intense that all I could do was push. And then out came Robert and into Bobby’s hands, the midwife gently unwrapped the cord around his neck, and then Bobby sat him on my stomach. Robert was born at 6:12 PM, 63 hours after the start of labor, and he weighed 8lb8oz. All I could say was “Oh my god,” over and over. The midwife at the hospital told me she was glad I was ready, because another 30 minutes and they would have rolled me in to prep for a cesarean. That was not going to happen though, I spent months preparing for a vaginal birth and I knew my rights, no one was going to take that from me unless my life or my son's life depended on it .
I was thankful to have been able to deliver vaginally, but in the months following my birth I started to feel this disappointment in myself creeping on. I would constantly question my ability as a woman to give birth without the use of interventions, after all I wanted a completely drug free labor when the baby was ready. I felt like I failed, and I still do. I spent a lot of time reading about women with long labors, and how that has made them feel apprehensive about going all natural again. I know that when it’s time for another baby I will be trying for a natural birth again, I trust my midwives, and they know that I have something to prove to myself. I need that healing birth, like so many women do. My midwife asked me if I felt like there was anything they could have done, I explained to her that I trust them and I will be back to do it. My care from the women at the birthing center is what my mind will need in-order to trust my body to birth. At no point in my labor did I ever feel like I was going to fail or that my life was in danger, I felt safe, and this is the best environment for a woman to labor in. After that she asked me what made me want to become a doula, I told her it was my birth. I needed to understand my first labor more, I needed to help other women who may end up going through a similar situation, I needed to educate myself, and I needed to connect with other women who experienced the same challenges that I do. So here I am today, looking to help women get through the most important day of their lives through education and comfort.
We hear all the time, "a healthy baby is all that matters." That's simply not true- especially when all too often, "healthy" means merely "surviving birth," for both moms and babies. That's not nearly good enough. The truth is that in this day and age and place, a higher standard can should exist: a healthy baby, a healthy mom, and a positive, respectful, family-centered birth experience for everyone For most of us, birth is not just about having a fetus extracted from our uterus in the most efficient way possible. Birth is a life defining experience that sticks with you. Ask most moms about their birth stories, and you can see and hear the emotions rush back as the share. These are stories-good or bad-that we vividly relive over and over, whether we want to or not. And let's not forget that our experiences can have major, lasting, and permanent health consequences.